A few weeks ago I shared our Amalfi proposal story.
Here’s the condensed version: Zee, the man of my dreams, asked me to marry him on a boat just for two off the Amalfi coast and I felt like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world!
That is, until the day after, when I started to worry about ‘the engagement ring‘…
The truth is it just wasn’t ‘me’ (it was big, bold and flashy, whereas I don’t actually wear much jewelry, and when I do, it’s delicate and dainty). But when the man you love has just got down on one knee and asked you, through tear filled eyes, to be his wife, the last thing you want to do is mention any doubts you have about the ring he’s spent months saving up for and carefully chosen for you!
Zee asked me soon after he proposed if I liked the ring and I said yes, of course, I love it! Wouldn’t you have?
This is actually quite hard to write about, it was a very sore subject between us for a long time.
It’s hard because on the one hand I felt like an ungrateful, spoilt brat for even considering changing the ring and on the other I felt justified in my decision to tell Zee about my doubts and asking to change the ring. Which I did a few days later…
After the excitement of our boat trip, we rushed back to the hotel, ringing our closest family and friends, taking numerous photos…many of me showing off the ring!!! (It was actually way too big for my finger so we’d spoken about getting it resized when we got back to London).
This cringeworthy ring shot below was my idea. *Hangs head in shame.*
Then I left the ring in it’s special little box, in our hotel room, while we went out for our celebratory dinner in Amalfi town. When we got back to the room, I opened the ring box again, hoping to see the ring in a new light, with fresh eyes but my heart sank because I knew for certain that I couldn’t happily wear it for the rest of my life. I’d always be settling for a ring that just wasn’t ‘me’.
That night, the guilt crept in. So did the questions:
Should I speak up or keep quiet?
Why would Zee buy me a ring that is so obviously ‘not me’?
Why should it matter what the ring looks like? It’s merely a symbol of our love and the promises we would soon be making to each other.
Why didn’t Zee try to find out about my dream ring or ask my friends or family for advice before he bought it?
Zee chose it especially for me and no doubt agonized over his decision for ages so I should accept my amazing gift and learn to love it. Shouldn’t I?
If the tables were turned I would want Zee to have a ring that he loved and not to ‘settle’ for anything less.
But Zee would be so hurt if I said I didn’t like it…
Oh the drama that was going on in my head!
So a few days later we had ‘the talk’. Zee was hurt. I cried. It was horrible.
But we eventually came to a solution. As the ring needed to be resized anyway, I’d change the band and setting for a more delicate version and keep the original diamond he chose (which by the way is beautiful). I have a sneaky suspicion that Zee (and most men) are under the impression the bigger the better!
(Before = tanned & After = pale)
As you can see there’s not a huge difference, its the band width and the pear shaped diamonds at the side. Zee had said something really sweet about the original ring being made up of 3 parts, me and him on the sides and our future children in the middle! (Awwwww!) So we had to keep the power of 3 symbolism!
I ADORE my engagement ring and wear it with pride everyday. It is the most beautiful object I own and it means so much to me because it represents our commitment to each other and also the compromises we make for each other. We both agree that even though it was hard, I made the right decision by speaking up about my doubts.
So dear readers, if you or anyone you know find yourself in a similar predicament, I’d recommend being honest about your feelings.
Those of you who are engaged/married, please do share your ring stories (or sagas) and your thoughts. Is honesty always the best policy?