I'm not a therapist, not a life coach, not a particularly mature or self-proclaimed wise lady. But I do have just a wee bit of experience in how to tell any unsupportive family or friends about your wonderful wedding plans.
Without getting too specific, our ‘intimate wedding in Mexico' idea wasn't beloved by all (I know, completely crazy). Real talk, the back and forth explanations and insisting we'll be doing things our way was exhausting. And while in the end we were still subjected to resistance, guilt-tripping and unkindness, I did receive a wee bit of advice from others that did help if even the tiniest of bits.
Here's the phrase I'd love to pass along:
“We appreciate your support.”
Not, “We would appreciate your support.”
Say, “We appreciate your support.”
Here's how it works. If you have any family members, friends or guests who have already proved to be resistant to your wedding plans, or you are nervous about telling your fabulous ideas, you tack this sentence on the end of whatever your wedding entails. Example:
“We've hired Lil Jon as our wedding music and we appreciate your support.”
“Uncle Larry can't bring his ‘new friend' to the wedding and we appreciate your support.”
“We're eloping on a fishing boat in Alaska and we appreciate your support.”
Why might this phrase help you? Well, I can't absolutely guarantee it will, but general psychology says that telling the less supportive person that you “appreciate their support” implies that they've already given it. You're telling your family member (or whomever) that they support you, and you're thanking them, even celebrating them, for already giving it.
Important: Don't add “would” as it gives them the chance to decide for themselves if they support you. Tell them they do support you and maybe they will.
As I said, it's not foolproof. But at the very least it's another piece of ammo in your arsenal of wedding planning tools that might make your life easier. As a former bride who didn't have the easiest time, I say “go for it!” See if the phrase works and if it does, pass it on to your bride and groom friends because you know there are plenty of other couples out there facing opposition to their own fabulous wedding plans.
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