You've been engaged for all of 90 seconds and it starts. “When's the big date?” “Can I bring my new boyfriend to your wedding?” “Can I bring my kids?” “Where are you registered?” “What should my mom wear?”
The questions. The never-ending questions. It's amazing to me how many questions one can ask you when you're engaged. And no matter how many times you repeat yourself, the same questions keep coming.
If the constant wedding questions by friends, family, coworkers and seemingly everyone else are driving you insane I have some news for you: you're not alone.
Every bride & groom I've ever spoken to in the wedding planning process seems to have the same gripe: “No one will leave me alone about the wedding plans.” Even the most expert planners – myself included – seem to be bombarded with an onslaught of daily questions. Where should they stay, what should they wear, can they bring more guests, what can they eat, will anyone give them a ride, what time is the ceremony…
While seemingly harmless, and often a way to just “chat and get excited” I know how these questions add up. Even if you have a small guest list, daily questions can still seem to arrive in your inbox & text messages. While weddings are exciting & supposed to be fun we all know the potential stress-inducing toll. Just because you're engaged, it doesn't mean you want to talk about wedding logistics 24/7.
So as a bride who's been there (seriously, I almost lost it) I have some seriously crucial advice to help limit the amount of questions you're receiving so you don't go mad…
Set-up a Fool-proof FAQ on Your Wedding Website
Okay, disclaimer, my loves. No matter how huge & obvious you make your wedding website URL on your invitations, people will still likely forget to look or decide they'd rather text you their questions. I'm so sorry about this. It's so aggravating. But! That doesn't mean you shouldn't at least flesh out your website with a clear & comprehensive FAQ for the wonderful people who do consult your website first.
When Jack and I planned our Mexico wedding, I anticipated quite a lot of questions in regards to travel, hotels, transportation & all of the weekend's events. I made an FAQ for literally every imaginable question. And I really mean that. Things like “Do we need a passport?” “Are there bugs?” “How much money do I need to bring?” “What should I wear?” “Will our phones work in Mexico?” “Is Mexico safe?” “What airport should we fly into?” “Can I drink the water?” “Can we bring kids?” I think you get the point.
The more comprehensive your FAQ the fewer questions you might receive. Never assume your guests know everything or understand how modern weddings work. Most surprisingly don't.
Come up with Template Responses
Whether via email or text, you can use a variety of apps to come up with template responses so you don't waste time (and your sanity) answering the same questions over and over.
Better yet, I've crafted a couple of common question template responses that you're welcome to tweak to your choosing!
Can I bring a date?
We wish we could give everyone a plus one, but our venue has a limit of guests. So if your date is named on your invitation, yes! If not, we promise your fun friend's name will dance with you.
Can I bring my kids?
We love your kids! But we're throwing an adult-only affair. We have contacts for vetted, local babysitters I'd be happy to send along!
Is it okay to take pictures with our phones and cameras during the wedding?
The thing is, we're wary of having fluorescent phone screens in all of our ceremony photos. We've hired an incredible photographer photographer's name who will take loads of beautiful photos we'll share with you. So please, put the phones away during the ceremony.
Designate a “Wedding Questions” Person
Were I to do it all over again, I would have hired our day-of-coordinator literally just to answer everyone's questions for the entire year. Here's how it would have gone…
Text: We're having trouble finding a rental car…
Answer: Oh, you can look on our website or contact our coordinator, Hannah! Her number is: 111-111-1111. If anything else pops up about the wedding just ask her, that's what she's hired for!
End of conversation. Yes, the question still happens but it saves you the aggravating thoughts of “oh my goodness, how many times do I have to explain this and why can't these people just look on our website…” while you type out an entire lengthy response.
You don't necessarily need to have a wedding planner or wedding coordinator you can pay to do this. You can always recruit a friend or family member who understands how exhausted you are by the question bombardments to take some of the question game.
Be Blunt About ‘Wedding Talk' Boundaries
“You're my son, I'm allowed to ask you all these questions.” – A real quote. Yes, eye-roll.
Are my above tactics not working? Unfortunately, some people may never take the hint. If you have a family member or friend who seems to pop in every day with wedding talk & questions, it's time to be blunt.
Let the person know how you feel. Maybe you're stressed out with wedding planning, work, other normal things in life and don't want to have to answer wedding questions constantly. Let them know you're happy to answer their questions but that you need some “wedding talk time off”.
Pick one day a week (or whatever timeline you can handle) that is designated “wedding talk time”. Or, propose a get-together where you can talk about the wedding. Let them know that outside these scheduled times you'd rather not talk about the wedding.
Send Out a ‘Sign Off Email' Before Your Wedding
The number one piece of advice I give to everyone getting married is to “sign off” the week of your wedding.
What does that mean? That means telling your close circle that you and your fiance will not be answering any wedding questions, texts or emails the week of your wedding. Why should you do this? Because you deserve to enjoy your wedding week. I highly recommend logging out of “wedding duties” if possible and actually enjoying the celebration rather than ‘working it'.
The best way to do this is to designate a “wedding question fielder” for that week. That can be your planner, day-of-coordinator or wonderful friend or family member. Send out an email to everyone you need to “sign off from” letting them know you won't be answering calls or questions but they can get in touch with your designated helper. I've including my own “sign off email” template below.
We're getting married! Yay! Fiance's name and I want to thank all of you for helping us make this dream weekend a reality, we can't wait to celebrate in venue location with everyone!
Optional Errands section:
As you know, we've been planning, booking, corresponding & coordinating with vendors for amount of time and we're down to the last few errands when we arrive – shopping! If any of you plan on stopping by local store, or other shopping centers in the area, we'd love your help procuring a few bulk things so that Fiance's name and I may have a little less burden and a bit more relaxation during the wild wedding week. Now include a bulleted list of exactly what you need, attach photos too if possible.
I wanted also to introduce you all to our wonderful, talented planner/coordinator/friend + Name (cc'd here). Person's name, meet our families, families meet Person's name! She/he/they will be in available from date on to help out & answer questions as we disconnect from our phones and enjoying the celebration we've worked so hard for.
Optional Family Photos section:
You may also be wondering “when will we be taking family photos?” At blank time, we'll take a few quick, painless family photos at photo location. Our fabulous photographer photographer's name will be focusing on candid photos for the wedding, so there will be plenty of photos of everyone together throughout the day, evening and other event, too!
We hope everyone has an easy journey and we can't wait to see you all in venue location!
Your name, & your Fiance's name
Phew, okay. And if all of that doesn't work then pal, I hope you have a very-long, very-secluded, very-far-from-humanity honeymoon planned.
Need some more encouragement? We've got oodles of expert advice & realness in our Real Talk section.